Press "Enter" to skip to content

This Week in Missouri Politics column: On second thought, Springfield should totally kick Lincoln Hough out of office

  

When your ol’ hillbilly pal is wrong, your old hillbilly pal is wrong, and this time I was totally 100% wrong. 

I got to visit with my old buddy Elijah Haahr on his radio show earlier this week. It’s a great show that moves fast and do yourself a favor and put it in your rotation of political talk shows that you listen to. 

On the show I compared Senator Hough’s primary down there to last cycles’s congressional primary in St. Louis. Candidly it was so St. Louis of them to have then Congressman Clay to have finally built up twenty years of seniority and be in line to be the chair of a major committee where he could really deliver some much needed help, then they kick him out office for an activist, and now Congresswoman Cori Bush. 

Senator Hough is in line to be the chairman of the senate appropriations committee. His opponent is a former city council woman, and an activist. I mistakenly urged Springfielders not to Cori Bush themselves and do the same. 

Then it was called to my attention the next morning that I was wrong, and I got to thinking to myself:

Self: Maybe she is right?

Scott: “Ha! No way, that would be crazy if Sprinfield went and Cori Bushed themselves.” 

Self: But you’re not from Springfield, you’re from West Butler County.

Self: Besides outside of around five blocks around the Vandivort you don’t even like Springfield all that much.

Self: After all you’re a real republican, that means you’re greedy.

Scott: “Well you’re sure as shit right about that!”

Self: “I know.” 

Self: You should hope they Cori Bush themselves and maybe Jason Bean can be approps chair…. Then he could take all the money Lincoln brings to Springfield and ship it to Poplar Bluff. 

Scott: “Self, You’re a damn hillbilly genius.”

Therefore after a lengthy consultation with myself I want to formally endorse kicking Lincoln Hough out of office and propose a series of very sensible fair and balanced trades. 

I really do think Springfield should focus on activism. I mean did you know that even if the activist republicans close the borders of Missouri to pregnant women, we all know that borders are leaky as hell. 

What if a catastrophe happens and a pregnant woman is somehow smuggled out of Missouri and into say…Illinois? Its very probable that baby wont have access to its 2nd amendment rights!

The answer is simple and I think Springfield is the district whose senator can make it happen: Mandatory carry for any pre-born baby that leaves the state. 

After all everyone knows the best way to stop a bad abortion doctor with a scalpel is a good baby with a gun. 

It’s the kind of thing a town that Cori Bushes itself could focus on. 

In return, let Senator Bean and southeast Missouri worry about frivolous things like the budget. 

In doing so I have a few small ideas of some reasonable swaps. 

While Springfield is busy with activism maybe Butler County could take Missouri State University off their hands….Maybe y’all slide Missouri State over to Poplar Bluff, and turn the old campus into…say the Springfield Center for Activism Studies. Fair trade?

Obviously, Springfield has more important things to worry about than than baseball. Maybe we just slide those Springfield Cardinals over to Dexter and they can use that old field to help train 4 year olds to shoot their mandatory carried oozies? Deal?

Again activism is takes a lot work and focus. I reckon their ain’t time for y’all to purchase high quality sporting goods products. Jason could just slide Bass Pro Shops over to Fisk. You can use the old building for something more Springfield appropriate like the Facebook Center for whining on the internet like a snowflake. Shake on it?

Puxico could off y’all some of duck decoys and a case of Natty Light for the cashew chicken, but honestly that ain’t real fair trade for Puxico.

Again when Im wrong I step up and say I was wrong. Springfield should absolutely kick Lincoln Hough right out of office and get themselves a first rate activist. 

Look how great its worked out for St. Louis. 

Be sure to watch the show this week as we will have the Prince of Phelps County Jack Cardetti, Freedom loving Franklin County’s own James Harris, and of course the 35th senator Pat Thomas talking all things primary season Sunday morning.